I was the 5th child born in a family with 6 kids. I was the youngest girl. In my years growing up, my older brothers and sisters always told me what to do and how to do it. I always felt resentful because I felt like they thought I didn’t know how to do anything and in my mind, that converted to feelings of being stupid.

The reality of it was that they were really just teaching me and sharing their wisdom with me. They were showing me what they had already learned and wanted to help me.

As the years went by and I became an adult, I felt that I needed to be strong and independent. I was never a rebel but I was clearly stating my independence by traveling by myself at a young age and choosing a college 2 states away and moving to England after college. I carried on the tradition with my marriages. I chose men who said they liked a woman who was independent. I felt that I needed to be strong all the time and show that I could do things for myself.

There was a key element that I totally left out in all these years…..

As humans we have the right to need others. I thought that I was expressing that, I thought that by agreeing to a marriage contract that I was saying “I need you”, but the reality of it all was that I was saying “I want you”? I didn’t know there was a difference. Not knowing the difference cost me a lot! It affected all of my relationships with everyone.

I thought as I grew up, that I had to be strong and only rely on myself. I thought I had to be up to the challenge each time. I thought that needing others was a sign of weakness… but  feeling the need to be strong all the time is the weakness.

I have added a new word to my vocabulary…. “need”. I do need partnerships in my life, I need relationships and I need my husband. This is how I am designed, humanity is plural… we all need others.

I give myself permission to need other people in my life. What about you?

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