Change is not an easy thing for so many people. In so many areas I thrive on change, I just love it. In other areas, not as much. There are so many people I wish I could change and often think “they will never change” or “why can’t they see (fill in the blank)”. So what can I do to make a change and a difference to someone else?

After being married to 2 different men and realizing that I couldn’t change them…or more to the point “fix” them, I came to the conclusion that I just can’t change others…..sort of.

What I realized, actually, is that I was thinking externally. My internal voice had dialogue about external issues. But were they really external issues? I had to shift the focus to me because what it came down to was the fact that I had things to work on and I had changes to make. Whoa, that’s hard. I felt type cast into a role that I had as a kid as my internal voice adopted what I heard externally as a kid “you are so picky”, “you are ugly”, “you are stupid”..etc.  It’s wasn’t easy altering that internal voice and realizing I was bringing myself down. What went on around me was a result of me! I was teaching others how to treat me, I was expressing that internal voice out loud and others were reacting to it.

I found that I could not change others but if I changed my internal voice and made my own changes that I couldn’t change others but I had influence with them. They could see the power of the changes I made. I corrected some bad thinking and some bad habits but more importantly, I changed my inner dialogue. A change like that is remarkable and caused me to have influence. My influence, used in a positive way, allows me to assist others to make the change they desire. It is contagious and has influenced others and given them the courage to change their internal dialogue to a more positive voice.

I always thought that my type casting came from external forces. I often hear that a person goes home and all their relatives see them as that 12 year old they knew and can’t see beyond that. What I believe is that that person themself has type cast themself as a 12 year old. That they can’t advance beyond that. They are taking advice from a 12 year old.

What is your inner dialogue telling you? Sit for a bit in the quiet so that it’s more pronounced. Listen to what it’s saying. Is it bringing you down?  Is it the 12 year old voice that hasn’t grown up? Correct that dialogue because that is what will influence real change around you but more importantly correcting that inner dialogue changes you.

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